:: the same old plot. ::

:: Saturday, January 17, 2004 ::

Jan 8, 2004 Thursday
Everyone, especially and including me are so completely and irreversibly fucked up. And because of that we all end up fucking up our lives and inevitably we just fuck eachother up more until we die and end up one big steaming pile of emotional fuck. It's so saddistic almost. Just existing myself, my sheer existence is fucking up countless people. And everyone I've ever met has fucked me up in some way. We're all so damaged. But I guess our baggage defines us. Though we're all fucked up, we're fucked in different ways so at least life is guaranteed to be interesting. So now what do I do with this? Just accept it and move on? I guess it's just one of those truths you just have to realize about life. but it helps to clarify things and to see that this is just the way the world is. Thats really shitty. Oh and it was 8. I just used the fuck word 8 times.

:: Tamlin 10:00 PM [+] ::
...

The MFM was at work today and my heart is broken. We talked a lot today and sadly it was all talk of his new girl (dagger in the heart) and how he's so in love with her (twisted repeatdly) and how she's so gorgeous (hacking back and forth) and that he would marry her in a second (heart seeps through holes punctured in my skin looking slightly like strawberry jello). But I did get a hug from him in exasperated angst.......but it was from behind..........and I"m also pretty sure he only did it because he was trying to cop a feel.......and he succeeded.......too bad it wasn't in the walk in fridge......

:: Tamlin 10:25 PM [+] ::
...

I really like my job. It's werid to say that, because all jobs are supposed to be annoying but i really do like my job. and i have regulars!!!! theres this one guy that always comes in on tuesdays, and i have his order down to a T...combo B with chinese tea and plum sauce. vanilla ice cream for dessert and TWO toothpicks on the bill with the fortune cookie and it only costs $8.83...i know, you're amazed at my plethura of knowledge and exquisite watiressing skills...just wait till you see me spill soup on people, you'll applaud me for sure....he's a really nice old man too and it turns out he's a snow and sand sculptor! He brought in his photo album of sculptures just for me to see...what a great friend. he asked me if i wanted to join their team...obviously can't tell that i have no artistic ability what so ever but i was flattered none the less....there are three delivery guys at my work, the angry one, the boring one and the meat-freezer man(visions of romantic trysts flash before my eyes) . The MFM was supposed to work on thursday but the boring one was there instead. at one point i thought i'd have to change my whole perception of him because it looked like he was crying, his eyes were all red, and i thought that maybe he experienced emotions afterall so i asked him if he was ok and he said, "Oh ya I have the flu. and I'm so hung over" apparently still remains to have no feelings... i'm super nice at work though and I find it so hard to be in a bad mood there because this perky waitress persona just takes over me. I'm sure some people are freaked out by my niceness, but i guess it wouldn't be the first time! well i think that will be all for now, I"m not really capable of coherent thoughts at the moment. many things floating around the ol' gray matter that i need to sort through. and i really hate this keyboard. it;s taking all the love out of typing.

:: Tamlin 2:46 PM [+] ::
...

i don't know how appropriate thong talk is, but I"m doin it anyway so if your panties are in a twist then skip ahead cuz this must be said (shit i hate it when i rhyme unintentionally). k so i was wearing a thong today and all day i just kep thinking how freakin uncomfortable it was! most will say, well thats because it's a thong and you're in a constant state of wedgie, but this is strange for me because usually, a good thong feels like heaven for my ass. so anyway i stuck it out, and when i was changing out of my pajamas today to go to work (for clarity, i had a snow day today but no one could play with me...shit again with the rhyming!), i felt a tag sticking out of the thong, at my hip. i had worn the freakin thing sideways!! so really, the leg hole, not the proper ass strip, was stuck in my crotch all day. but at least the mystery was solved and the problem righted and once again my ass was in heaven, not some saddistic ass-crack pergatory.

so now on to more multi-gender friendly topics. I was walking in the snow today, and was just engulfed in this perfect silence and stillness that the snow created. Even the constant sounds were muted to perfection. I felt like nothing bad could ever happen to me, as long as the world stayed jsut the way it was. and then I walked in front of a moving car, because I didn't hear it, and was almost run over. fucking snow....i mean, oh the stillness, the white beauty.....there was something else i wanted to say....oh ya someone said i was gorgeous today and my first instinct was hysterical laughter. i wonder what that means...that my cynism really does enable me to see the grim truth above the naive(thank you leigh), that i don't get compliemtned enough or that i don't know how to take a compliment. well whichever way i got a kick out of it...i wonder what would happen if someone said they loved me? there would definetly be some urinary leakage out of that one.

:: Tamlin 10:32 PM [+] ::
...

I learned two things today. when people kill themselves by sticking their heads in ovens, the ovens are gas and those people are really suffocating from the fumes, not turning up the heat and melting their heads! thats why i never considered that as an option before, I'm not a big fan of the head melting but now, well it can finally make my list! wazoo for the gas ovens.
oh ya and that second thing, apparently I"m a bitch.....strange how I've become numb to that word uttered by that mouth....wow that is probably so unhealthy for me...well life's a bitch, so why not conform.......fuck....how many times does it need to be said before it comes true? or is it too late for that? Am I really a cynical bitch? austin you can't comment on that.

:: Tamlin 10:12 PM [+] ::
...

So here's a handy story about a girl I know...THe summer months had ended and the necessity of mutalating the natural beauty of leg hair was long over as the sky clouded and the rains fell. She rejoiced in the passing of the skirt and bikini season and embraced jeans and sweatpants. Then one fateful day in december, a banquet drew near, and she knew the time had come to once again pick up the razor. She unbraided her leg hair, took a shower, and did the deed; she shaved her legs. Majesty streamed from under her skirt that night and the smoothness, oh god the smoothness! she came home, on top of the world, only to find that her leg hair had physically clogged the drain in the bathroom. we're talking leg hair....clogging....the bathroom drain. Seriously...I didn't even know that was possible.....I'm a freak......oh i mean......she's a freak......cuz it happened to a friend.....not to me.......i shave my legs reguarly.....i promise.....

:: Tamlin 12:00 PM [+] ::
...

So New Years Eve was kinda a bust. I could't actually do anything and since I was not going to receive any kiss at midnight I decided to have my very own Sex and the City marathon and watch other people have sex. It worked for me. Happy New Year

:: Tamlin 4:39 PM [+] ::
...